Over the last couple of months, grappling with Culpeper House closing, I have felt lots of things—anger, fear, hurt, inadequacy, sadness, loneliness, mourning, and exhaustion.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt a general anger like I have in this time (I am very seldom angry, and when I have been it’s been directed at a specific instance, not a general series of things).  Interestingly I haven’t once felt darkness.  Consistently over the last year, any time I have felt down, God has brought words of encouragement from friends to feed my soul.  It was time for Culpeper House to close and I’m excitedly beginning this new season.

Last Sunday, I worked on a Children’s story using Matthew 6:25-24.  It’s about not worrying, because God will provide for us, after all, He does for the flowers and the birds and how much more does He love us. I’ve been worried a bit the last few weeks about where I would live and stay—I wanted to flexibility of not having a lease as I hope to be back in community soon, so I didn’t want to do the easiest thing and just go out and get an apartment. Luckily, there was too much to do to really spend time to work things out on my own.  Someone asked me where I was going to stay and I said that I’d know once I moved out—I just didn’t have the energy to work out things that far ahead.  Not knowing where I was going to stay has also had the added benefit of allowing me to truly mourn the loss of Culpeper House.

This morning I’m at peace.  

I believe I am to rely upon the hospitality of others during this season.  In the middle of the night Friday, Eric (one of my best friends from High School) was helping me move and he said he was offended I hadn’t asked to stay with him yet—needless to say, that’s where I am for the next few days.  I’ll be spending a couple of weeks in June at Casa Chiri and likely a few days in the Southeast House.  It has been and will continue to be practice in faith as God shows me where I will be living.  I’m reminded of the verses Matthew 8:20 and Luke 9:58 “Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.’” (Checkout http://archives.wittenburgdoor.com/jesusposter/index.html)  It will produce greater humility and faith in me to rely upon God and His provision through others instead of what I so often mistake as mine own.

This season will be an opportunity for me to minister in a similar mode to the Apostles (though more locally): traveling from community to community, household to household—learning from each and attempting to bless each as the Spirit gives grace to do so.  I am excited, trepid but truly excited.

This will also be a time of discernment as I seek what the next season will look like.  (Pray that I will fully embrace this season, however.)  Will I become a part of a current community?  Will I be part of a new community?  Something else?  It will be fun learning what God has in mind.