While reading The New Friars by Scott A. Bessenecker (review forthcoming), I ran across a great quote from Tolstoy:
“Everybody wants to change the world and nobody wants to change themselves.”
As those who know me are well aware, I often fail to adhere to the theology I so strongly purport. I am a theologian who is all about a theology of action, but most of the time I find myself just writing and talking about it, not doing it. In fact, to be completely upfront, I am often trying to convince myself as much as I am trying to convince those I talk with.
The reality is that I know that Christ calls us to suffer, to leave those things to which we cling and cling to him, but I am so afraid. My heart desires to chase after the Master with reckless abandon, but my body says, “Why? You love people. You serve the poor. You proclaim the Gospel. Certainly that is enough.” And, though I live in a society and church that says my body is right, I know it is lying to me. Still I continually give in.
I am a hypocrite. But please do not let my hypocracy dampen the Truth of what I say, for they are two separate issues. The question is not if I do what I say, but if what I say is True. It is my prayer that you may inhabit the Truth of God with great boldness and zeal!!!
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I really admire your humility and authenticity here. Completely agree with what you’re saying, but feel compelled to add one caveat (and I know you agree with this):
We CANNOT change ourselves. As we seek to serve Christ with abandon we must recognize that only the work of the Holy Spirit can change our hearts and bring about conformity with His heart/will. We must ask for this, daily. We must spend time in the presence of God. Derek Webb says something to the effect of, “All the behavior modification (for the purpose of this discussion, I think we could substitute “action” for “behavior modification”)in the world will never change your heart. Jesus, however, does change our hearts. And Jesus DOES change our communities…” Action is admirable, but if it is not preceeded by a heart that says, “Not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit…”, it’s empty.