We have been doing a relationship series at my church. A couple of weeks ago singles met after church to talk about what they wanted to hear about during the two “singles” weeks. Out of that meeting, there was renewed interest in our singles ministry, of course, like every singles ministry I have ever encountered, the concept for the ministry was centered around providing “social” opportunities for singles–that is help singles meet other singles to date or marry.
I understand why these are so popular in churches, it’s what people want and thus attracts more people.
However, it buys into the Christian subculture which implies that singles are incomplete until married. Ack!!!! This is simply untrue and hurtful to those who have been called to singleness (even if for the time being).
“…others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 19:12
After all there are many singles who have dedicated their life to the Kingdom, Paul, John the Baptist, even Jesus for that matter. For some reason modern American protestants (want to?) forget this fact.
It is clear that singles have an important role in the Kingdom of God and we as the Church should seek to help them serve out of this calling.
Instead of singles ministries seeking to remedy the problem of singleness (which as I’ve pointed out is in fact not a problem at all), singles ministry should provide opportunities for singles to live out the particular service they are called to and equipped most for. Here are a couple of examples:
- Singles are much better placed to assist in last minute situations or emergencies than their married counterparts and thus this is a key function in the service of singles to the Church and to the world. If I receive a call from a friend who needs immediate assistance, I am able to know what I am doing and make a quick judgement of whether or not I can assist. If I was married, I would need to check with my wife first, and if I had kids, I would have to deal with taking care of them first also (I realize this applies less to singles with children).
- Serving at an overnight shelter is another excellent example of an opportunity to serve in which singles are better equipped than marrieds (for many of the same reasons listed in 1).
I realize that my examples are weak, so I would love to hear more examples from you! Please post them to a comment.
You may say, wait, but shouldn’t there be social opportunities for singles within the church. I would say no. However, I would agree that there should be opportunities for real Christian community encouraged by the Church. Of course, then it doesn’t make sense for it to just be singles anyway, because rich and deep Christian community should be diverse–we have much to learn from people who are different from ourselves.
Now I am not saying that we should seek to keep singles single, not at all. Let’s face it, it is quite probable that singles living in community and serving together will often develop romantic relationships and marry. This is a wonderful thing.
However, marriage should never be the goal of singles ministries, worship and service to God should. Singles have a great service in the work of the kingdom which should be lauded and encouraged to live it out now. We should particularly embrace those who have chosen to remain single for the Kingdom.
Thoughts? Comments? I’d love to hear what you think!
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I think you’ve gone a bit too far with all of this, as usual. I would agree that being a “meat market” church is not a good thing. I also remember in my not-so-distant past of singleness (3 week anniversary tomorrow!) that whenever I heard of churches that had a vibrant “singles” ministry, I was interested in that aspect, but didn’t really consider it a church I would want to go to for spiritual development. So, I agree with that part. I feel you’ve gone a bit anti-marriage, however, perhaps in an attempt to take a swing at the…bias(?) against being single. While you’re right that it’s very easy for you to know what you’re doing and if you can help in an emergency, there are limitations. Would it be appropriate to have a woman in need of a place to stay crash with a man she doesn’t know in his one bedroom apartment? One could argue there would be no problem, (though that one would also hear a lot about why it’s extremely problematic). It’s doubtful that the woman herself would feel comfortable with that arrangement, though perhaps a married couple would be ok (I won’t deny a single woman would be best). I think the other issue we have to consider is our culture provides lots of “social” activities for people. Should churches also take part or retreat and limit options for meeting people to the bar and the produce aisle? I’d say get the church involved, have your social ministry, but don’t limit it to singles. You don’t need to throw out the entire concept because of bad application. I thank God there was a singles ministry at my church, because it’s where my community started to form. I didn’t let it end there, and I don’t think churches should, either. I thank God for the married couple who have been part of my community and mentored me and made me as marriable as I am (and that’s just barely, as my wife). Limiting a community to singles because it’s easy seems to waste a whole lot of wisdom and resources that married people bring to the table. Let’s not count anyone out, and just have a community instead of a singles community, married community, retired community, etc.